


In Return

by rankarana



Category: THE iDOLM@STER, The iDOLM@STER Cinderella Girls
Genre: Angst, Handcuffs, Other, Sexual Content, geh the 'other' thing is ugly but anyway nb rin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:43:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8555929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rankarana/pseuds/rankarana
Summary: She's suffered, hurt, and been so far down that she thought she was going to break.And when they're alone - as good as their compliments look on her, if there's anything Uzuki doesn't want now, it's for Rin to patronise her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> set after the end of the series. nb Rin, Uzuki's perspective. originally done as a prompt fill at http://akibadetectives.tumblr.com/post/153017615010/uzurin-48-l-o-l, with the prompt "UzuRin + Shackles".

“Are you sure you’re comfortable with this?”

“Mm!”

Her hum of approval is a little too loud, a little too high. She watches as Rin flinches in response, that perfect cool façade cracking just a little; but Rin is Rin, and they hide their reaction just as fast as they show it. Reaching out, their hand lands on Uzuki’s shoulder, Rin balancing atop her while straddling her hips.

“Look, don’t push yourself.”

“I’m not pushing myself! Please, Rin.” She pauses, giving Rin the most winsome (and mildly pleading) expression she can. “I want this.” 

She’s lying there in her blouse and her underwear and little else, skirt long-discarded at the side of the bed. There’s a reason Rin’s not been able to remove her top, though – right now, Uzuki’s hands are behind her back, held there by a pair of pink, fuzzy handcuffs.

They were an uninvited gift, one of many, from Kanade. She hadn’t _asked_ for the box of presents at all, and honestly she’s not even really sure how Kanade got wind of all this.  Maybe Mika told her after Uzuki came to consult her about her relationship issues, and while on one hand Uzuki’s flattered that Mika’d go so far for her, she can also see why Rin’s so reticent about telling their charismatic senior anything.

(She can imagine Mio coming in with a terrible joke about Mika’s loose LiPPS, too. She really does treasure what Mio brings to New Generations.)

“If you want to stop any time, we can.”

“But I won’t want to, okay~?”

It’s not as if sex with Rin is bad. Honestly, Uzuki hadn’t really _had_ expectations for sex prior to going out with Rin, but what they have now is something she enjoys a lot. Rin cares about her deeply, and Uzuki’s read enough teen magazines in her life to know Rin definitely qualifies as ‘a good kisser’, amongst other things.

There’s no _issues_ , exactly, but sometimes she can’t help but wonder if Rin really takes her seriously.

“…good.” It’s a little hard to read Rin’s tone – it’s not entirely self-assured sexual confidence, but Uzuki knows Rin well enough at this point that they’re never able to totally play down how they feel about her. Rin’s vocal when it comes to their girlfriend, and how they want to hold her and kiss her and do pretty _exciting_ things to her, and that’s something Uzuki enjoys. She giggles as Rin shuffles a little back, shifting one of their knees and parting her legs so they can kneel between them, and it’s not much longer before Rin goes to edge their finger under the hem of Uzuki’s panties, starting to pull them down. When they treat her like that, it helps get rid of those nagging doubts about how Rin views her.

It’s a matter that’s been weighing on her mind a lot, in all honesty. She thought it’d stop bothering her after the Ball went as well as it did, but that never really happened. Asking Mio about this whole thing would have been awkward, though, and she felt Producer would die of shame (as would she, for that matter) if she actually asked for his counselling on things like this, so the only real person she could turn to was Mika.  She undoubtedly had the life experience, but Uzuki’d felt she’d been almost a little suspiciously overenthusiastic when it came to advising her. “I think Rin is serious about you, and seriously _into_ you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Mika’d said. “Maybe that's, like, the problem. Probably _too_ into you, kinda. Like, too into that cute girl who smiles and does her best, and I dunno if that’s really who you are? You tell me.”

At the time, Uzuki hadn’t really had an answer for her; though she absolutely denied Mika’s assertion that maybe she was a “bad girl” or anything like that. For better or worse, though, when Rin found Kanade’s gifts under her bed, all in the same cardboard box they’d arrived in (delivered by courier, even – Kanade seemed to feel it was very important that Uzuki received this package), she’d seen exactly what Mika meant, all too clear in Rin’s expression of shock.

Uzuki’d been more than a little embarrassed herself at the same time, though. She had tried to actually look through the box on several occasions, but found herself shoving it right back where she was keeping it every time she got past the collars and edible underwear and onto the long, bright day-glo pink _things_. She knew exactly what they were, was the thing, and that recognition meant she burnt with the sensation of sin every time she looked at them. In the end, Rin had been the first person to actually unpack the presents, all while Uzuki vaguely explained that she definitely didn’t buy these and they’d been a weird gift but not from a creepy fan so it wasn’t like she felt unnerved so Rin didn’t have to worry about it – not that Rin seemed concerned about that. If anything, they seemed more just confused, mixed with what seemed like a little bit of interest at the fluffy pink handcuffs.  Uzuki made a careful note of this reaction, and after a lot of drumming up courage, asked Rin if they’d like to use them sometime; and, of course, they’d accepted.

Her legs shift around, helping Rin remove her panties – a shade of pink that matches the handcuffs pretty well, a conscious choice on Uzuki’s part – and soon they’re off, Rin’s hand firmly coming to rest against her. They’re a tease sometimes – often, even – but they’re also not one for wasting time, petting Uzuki while leaning in close to her face for a kiss.

“Uzuki…” The way Rin trails off makes them sound needy, and Uzuki likes that, catching a little gasp of air before their lips meet and Rin kisses her with hunger and affection and lust. She doesn’t get a chance to breathe again until they let go of her lips to start going further down, trailing down her chin and neck, and then pulling up Uzuki’s blouse so they can keep themselves pressed against her skin as they move. “Are you ready?”

“I’ve been ready for aaaages~ Come on…” She tries not to read too much into the last comment – Rin always asks her stuff like that, anyway, and it’s not as if she doesn’t appreciate it. Something does feel a little different, however. Maybe it’s… no. It’s absolutely the handcuffs, because when Rin’s fingers start to press into her, the reaction she feels is _incredible_. Her wrists rattle and her calves tense, Rin working deeper into her, well-placed strokes of their thumb causing Uzuki to pant, the girl ever so weak to their touch.

Knowing that the rest of the box’s contents are underneath them right now feels a little weird, Uzuki thinks. When she reflects on it, it’s not the first time they’ve done it on her bed with the box below, but it is the first time it’s been relevant. Is it just recognising that it’s there what’s making her embarrassed?

Or maybe, she wonders, it’s because she’d really like if Rin took more from it, covering her eyes with a blindfold and binding her limbs a little tighter. There’s something kind of comforting about the handcuffs, Uzuki feels, as if it’s taking away the little responsibility Rin gives her during sex. Being held there means that even if she doesn’t _do_ anything, it’s alright – because she doesn’t have to. She’s doing all she can just spreading her legs and looking at Rin, encouraging them on and gasping for them.

…is it really _right_ that she’s thinking like that, though? Isn’t wanting to give in, and let Rin do everything for her, make her feel good about herself, the exact thing she asked Mika how to get out of?

“A li-little more, Rin,” she asks, hoping that if this gets a little more intense, then maybe all these fears will fall away, and she won’t have to keep double-guessing herself when she’s meant to be _enjoying_ herself.

And she _is_ enjoying this. She’s enjoying it a lot, especially when they do exactly what she asks and moves a little harder, a little rougher – their teeth go to Uzuki’s bra and yank on it, pulling it down and letting them press their face right into her chest, kissing it as passionately as they did the rest of her body. Rin is absolutely good at this, Uzuki understands it more than ever, and she’s almost crying out their name—

–she wants to grab Rin’s hand, but she can’t, but she can’t stop herself before she tries—the chain of the handcuffs clinks as she reaches out, hands pointlessly struggling against the restraint that she knows and wants to be there.  The metal links are surprisingly loud as they jangle together, and when Rin hears it, they pause. The sound alone is enough that their whole body pulls back, brows furrowed and eyes digging deep into her.

Something about that noise rings a lot deeper than Uzuki would have thought.

“—Uzuki. Should we stop?”

Both of them stare at each other, and Uzuki sees the concern in Rin’s gaze. How Rin’s worried about her. How Rin could be this disturbed by seeing Uzuki struggle, just a little. How Rin sees her, fragile and on the border of losing her way again—

She can’t stand it.

“…don’t look down at me, Rin.”

Words like that barely ever come out of her mouth. Some people tell her that’s what makes them feel at ease around her, and others tell her that her silence is harming herself, but as soon as she says it she almost immediately regrets it, like she’s just done A Bad Thing and doing nothing at all would have been much better. Rin looks hurt, too, and that _tightness_ clutches at her chest, that dread and fear that she’s alienated Rin and pushed her away again, and her head is turning light and feeling impossibly heavy at once–

Her breathing is ragged, and not for the right reasons, and all she can do is stare down at herself for a few seconds—she thinks it’s a few, but she’s worried it’s much, much longer. She can’t tell at this point, anyway, but when she does manage to look up again, there’s a tear running down Rin’s cheek. The last time she saw Rin like this, in the park, it was so _painful_ that just seeing that face again makes her want to run away, to excuse herself from her own bedroom and find somewhere where she doesn’t have to bother anyone, and she’s halfways to doing so before Rin opens their mouth, getting out a few choked words.

“…I’m… sorry? Uzuki, I’m… oh my god, I didn’t mean to… Uzuki.” It’s not much of anything, but at the same time Uzuki doesn’t feel she could say anything more coherent herself right now. “Sorry.” They’re as white as a sheet, and Uzuki can only watch as they move towards her, then lean back, unsure how to bridge that gap between them.

In a way, it’s more than a gap. It’s a chasm, and it’s huge, and at the same time they can’t see it at all.

“N-no! Rin, don’t… don’t say you’re sorry! I shouldn’t have said that, and—“ If Rin won’t lean into her, Uzuki decides to make up for it, awkwardly sitting up, hands still behind her back as she presses into Rin’s chest, and their arms wrap around her back. If she was thinking about it, this position _still_ wouldn’t be what she wanted – Rin’s younger than her, and they’re still cradling her like she’s a child – but at the same time, she finds it incredibly comforting.

“Don’t apologise. Please. God, I just— I… I didn’t mean it like that,” they mumble, and it’s not at all clear if they actually know what Uzuki’s thinking about – but if all Uzuki wanted was an apology, she realises she’s getting one.

She’s aware that having softcore bondage sex with Rin isn’t going to fix everything. She’s totally aware of that – honestly, it’s all kind of messed up, really. She wants Rin to take her seriously, and she also wants to be freed from all her responsibilities; and between all that, she doesn’t have a right to tell Rin not to look down at her right now.

The fact she still wants Rin to finish what they started is running through the back of her head, too, and it’s clouding her judgement even more.

“If there’s anything wrong, or something that you don’t like, you can just… tell me, you know? I’m not a mindre–” They pause, as if mentally telling themself off for what they just were about to say, before continuing. “I’m still bad at this. I’m sorry.”

“I’m even worse, so…”

“No. You’re not. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Does being told that make Uzuki happy? Maybe. She’s not sure. “…I know I act like this, but—you’re still the only girl I’ve ever gone out with. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, and when I do think I know I’m probably wrong anyway.”

“You’re my first, too! I’m older than you, and I should be the one helping _you_ , and all I do is just… just…” Just—she’s not even sure. What does she do for Rin?

“You—you don’t have to do anything. Just be there for me.”

“But I want to do more. I can’t just stay waiting for you, and Mio, and everyone else to help me out with everything I go through!” Hearing her mention the others makes Rin jolt, and their arms clutch Uzuki a little tighter to their chest again.

“Don’t… talk about them.”

“…Rin?”

“I… please. I just want you to think about me right now, Uzuki.” They seem shaken just admitting that, an arm wiping their face down. “Just us.”

“…you’re selfish, Rin.” She doesn’t know why she keeps saying these things to them today, but at least this one doesn’t cause that awful twinge in her heart again – and the low hum of agreement that Rin gives her in response calms her even more.

“I know I am, and I don’t think I deserve you, sometimes. I just keep on pushing—everything onto you. I make you go along with me, and then I go and do whatever I want and expect you to play along and do what I want and– I’m so shit. God.”

“I still love you, though.”

And she must be selfish in her own way, Uzuki thinks, because knowing Rin’s as human as she is makes Uzuki love them even more.

“You don’t know how much that means to me.”

The painful pounding in her head’s stopped, at least, and Rin no longer seems like they’re on the verge of crying. There’s that uneasiness still floating around, but it’s lighter, now. It feels like she understands it – and that Rin understands it, in their own way, too. The one-sided embrace continues in silence for a little longer, until Uzuki takes this chance to speak her mind.

It’s not something that’ll change their relationship forever, but right now, it’s something very important.

“So, um, can we continue?”

“…uh. Y-yeah. Definitely. If you want to—“

“Yes, Rin, I _do_. And just so you remember, the handcuffs _were_ my idea.”

“…yeah. Right.” It’s hard to read Rin’s face right now, somewhere between shock, giddy excitement, and a hint of self-loathing. “…can I ask you something _really_ selfish?”

“You can ask, at least!” Uzuki prepares her pout.

“Could we, uh, maybe take the handcuffs off? I know it was your idea, but…” Rin’s voice dies down, going into a little mumble.

“But?”

“I… just want to feel your hands right now. Have you touch me. Not, like, touching me touch me, just… Ugh.” They hang their head low, and even though Uzuki almost always thinks Rin is _cool_ , right now she can understand why their ego might be suffering a little bit.

“Well, if you ask me like that, Rin… of course we can. The key’s on the table, right?” She reaches out to grab it, and then once again remembers that said handcuffs are still on her—earning a giggle from Rin as they reach over to pick them up. “Boo. Don’t laugh.”

“Come on, that _was_ pretty funny,” they tease, reaching behind Uzuki to fiddle with the lock.

“…eheh. Maybe.”

This little conversation they’re having hasn’t solved everything; it might not have helped anything, really. They’re going to have to talk this through properly if they’re going to keep on like this – maybe not tonight, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon. She might even ask Mika and Kanade to give them a kick in the butt to make them sort it out together – and that’s weak of her, but she’ll do what she can so that they’ll get through this, and end up stronger for it. Not just their relationship, but both of them, as people.

As Rin unlocks the cuffs, and Uzuki raises her hands, threading them through Rin’s hair and bringing them close to her, she swears she’s going to do her best.

**Author's Note:**

> the title is a totally hacky reference that honestly works better than I thought it did at first.
> 
> This was a prompt fill but I was kinda happy with how this one turned out so I decided to upload it seperately onto AO3 (plus there's like, no other UzuRin fics?). The others might just get put up in a multi-chapter thing though, since I don't want to flood the category too badly with rarepairs? We'll see how they turn out!


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